Sunday, March 14, 2010

Things Every Wife Needs to Know

This morning in preaching part 2 of our new family series, I shared a "top ten list" of things every husband wants his wife to know. Actually, since men need extra help, this list includes eleven things. They are shared (tongue-in-cheek).

1. I don’t really need or want all the details. Get to the point.

2. Learn to work the toilet seat. If it’s up, put it down.

3. Tell me what you want. Subtle hints don’t work. Obvious hints don’t work. Just tell me what you want!

4. I own 3 pairs of shoes. I don’t know or care which of your 75 pairs of shoes would look best with that dress.

5. I don’t see why “yes” and “no” are not perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question!

6. There’s a reason you think that dress doesn’t flatter you. Save an argument and please don’t ask me about it.

7. If something I said can be taken 2 ways, and one of them makes you mad, I meant it the other way.

8. I only know 5 colors. Peach is a fruit. Lilac is a flower. And I have no idea what mauve is.

9. I am not a mind-reader. My lack of ability to read your mind is not proof that I do not love you!

10. If I ask you what’s wrong and you say, “nothing” I will act like nothing’s wrong. I know you’re lying but it’s not worth the hassle.

11. When I’m staring off, don’t ask me what’s on my mind unless you want to discuss bass fishing, deer stands, or whether or not Pete Rose ought to be allowed into the Hall of Fame.
By the way, for those in the 9am service, get a CD of the 10:30 message...You will hear what I "meant" to say. You gotta love the time change (yawn).