Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Following Doctor's Orders

This past Sunday as I concluded our "First Aid for the Family" series, I shared a final TOP TEN list.  These are the "Top Ten Things I Would Have Never Known Without Children."  Enjoy.

10. No matter what the TV ad says, “Simply Orange” will not erase a Magic Marker or Sharpie from ceramic tile.

9. The nostril of a 2-year old and an English Pea are exactly the same size.

8. Whoever invented the pacifier deserves a Nobel Peace Prize and a Congressional Medal of Honor.

7. 3 o’clock comes twice a day.

6. “Do you want a spanking?” is a perfectly legitimate question!

5. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42-pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a superman cape.

4. Whoever coined the phrase, “slept like a baby” apparently did not have children.

3. A penny will pass through the digestive tract of a two-year-old in about 2 ½ days.

2. When you hear the toilet flush followed by the words “Uh-oh,” it's already too late.

1. One man could ever have so much joy.

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Building a Christian Home

Sunday morning in our series, "First Aid for the Family" I shared a quote from Larry Fowler's book, "Raising a Modern Day Joseph."  After multiple requests I've decided to post the quote.  I wholeheartedly recommend the entire book.

You simply won’t succeed without consistent, committed involvement of the parents working hand in hand with your church. Why? Because for the Christian youth, the home is the most important element.  Without the cooperation of the Christian home, the child is being told Christianity is one thing at church and seeing something entirely different at home.

A youth from a non-believing home doesn’t expect home life to be like what the church says – so there is little confusion. Not so with a youth from an uninvolved, unspiritual “Christian” home!”  In fact, the highest risk young person is not the one from a non-believing home but rather one from a hypocritical Christian home.

Sunday, March 21, 2010

Top Ten Ways to Raise a Rebel

In our "First Aid for the Family" series, the top ten lists just keep on the coming.  The last two lists were intended to be humorous (though true!) but there's nothing funny about this one.  Taken from the message, "Raising Healthy Kids in a Sick World," here are some sure-fire ways to raise a pagan child.

The entire sermon may be heard at http://www.ebchurch.net/

Top Ten Ways to Raise a Rebel



1) Begin with infancy to give the child everything he wants. In this way he will grow up to believe the world owes him a living.


2) Quarrel frequently in the presence of your children. That way he will learn first-hand how to have a dysfunctional home.


3) When he picks up bad words, laugh at him. This will make him think he’s cute when he sins.

4) Make him go to church but don’t let it affect the way you actually live. That way he will rebel against God but will be so inoculated by religion he won’t know it.


5) Never speak about spiritual things in the home. Wait until he is twenty-one and then “let him decide for himself.”

6) Avoid use of the word, "wrong". He may develop a guilt complex. This will condition him to believe later, when he is arrested, that society is against him and he is being persecuted.

7) Let him read any printed material, and listen to any music he can get his hands on. Be careful that the silverware and drinking glasses are sterilized, but let his mind feast on garbage.


8) Pick up everything he leaves lying around. Do everything for him so that he will be experienced in throwing all responsibility on others.


9) Take his part against neighbors, teachers, and policemen. They are all prejudiced against your child.


10) Prepare for a life of grief. You will most likely have one.

Saturday, March 20, 2010

Paper Pastors

A friend sent me this link and it is perhaps one of the best blog posts I have ever read. It's a finely-crafted analogy and well worth sharing here.

http://teampyro.blogspot.com/2009/04/porn-and-paper-pastors.html

Sunday, March 14, 2010

Things Every Wife Needs to Know

This morning in preaching part 2 of our new family series, I shared a "top ten list" of things every husband wants his wife to know. Actually, since men need extra help, this list includes eleven things. They are shared (tongue-in-cheek).

1. I don’t really need or want all the details. Get to the point.

2. Learn to work the toilet seat. If it’s up, put it down.

3. Tell me what you want. Subtle hints don’t work. Obvious hints don’t work. Just tell me what you want!

4. I own 3 pairs of shoes. I don’t know or care which of your 75 pairs of shoes would look best with that dress.

5. I don’t see why “yes” and “no” are not perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question!

6. There’s a reason you think that dress doesn’t flatter you. Save an argument and please don’t ask me about it.

7. If something I said can be taken 2 ways, and one of them makes you mad, I meant it the other way.

8. I only know 5 colors. Peach is a fruit. Lilac is a flower. And I have no idea what mauve is.

9. I am not a mind-reader. My lack of ability to read your mind is not proof that I do not love you!

10. If I ask you what’s wrong and you say, “nothing” I will act like nothing’s wrong. I know you’re lying but it’s not worth the hassle.

11. When I’m staring off, don’t ask me what’s on my mind unless you want to discuss bass fishing, deer stands, or whether or not Pete Rose ought to be allowed into the Hall of Fame.
By the way, for those in the 9am service, get a CD of the 10:30 message...You will hear what I "meant" to say. You gotta love the time change (yawn).

Monday, March 1, 2010

First Aid for the Family

This Sunday morning I am beginning a 4-part series on the family. It has been several years since I have really preached a family series and my pastoral discernment tells me the time is right. Our series is going to be called, "First Aid for the Family." The Scripture text will be taken from Ephesians 5:21-6:4 and will cover 4 topics.

Sunday, March 7
Doctor Dad

No one in the entire household is better positioned to remedy what ails the family than Daddy. Oh, yes, others need to cooperate but it begins with a properly trained and well-equipped husband and father. When it comes to "First Aid for the Family" God is calling on husbands to step up and be trained as family doctors!

Sunday, March 14
Nurse Mom

I wish every husband had the privilege of being married to a woman like my wife, Andrea. This second message will include a lot of instruction about being a Christ-honoring wife. Of course, I know nothing about that personally :) but I've learned a lot from reading the Bible and watching my bride.

Sunday, March 21
Raising Healthy Kids in a Sick World

As a parent of young children, this has been the most challenging part of my sermon preparation. The world we live in is infecting our children with spiritual viruses of the worst kind. God has called their mother and me to stay by their "sick-bed" 24 hours a day, 7 days a week and do all we can to keep them healthy. With a strong word to parents about their responsibilities to their kids, this may be the most sobering sermon in the series.

Sunday, March 28
Following Doctor's Orders

In His infinite wisdom, God knows that children need training and instruction. And no one is better able to write that spiritual prescription than Mom and Dad. In this final message, I will share a pastoral plea with young children to honor and obey their parents. Following these doctor's orders will result in their good and the glory of God...just what the Great Physician ordered.

A Simple Prayer Request

Each day I have several hundred hits on this blog. I simply want to ask my regular readers to pray for me and for my voice. Allergies and early pollen have wreaked havoc on my voice.

My schedule has me preaching 6 times in the next 6 days, including our state evangelism conference and a one-night revival. I would be most appreciative of your prayers.